I distinctly remember that this time last year, I was tying up the loose ends of my US applications. ugh I still remember the horrors of writing essay after essay after essay. It hasn't been easy, knowing how emotional and easily affected by stress I am. Worrying was ingrained into the daily routine. Relief teaching, A Level results, university and scholarship applications, university life, making adjustments for the new environment. In retrospect, alot of it was unnecessary stress. It's something I'm not proud of, but it has taught me how to rely on God more.
Awaiting the A Level results was one of the worst periods in my life. The anticipation and anxiety thoroughly consumed me because sitting for the papers was not exactly the best experience I had hoped for. I could hardly believe it myself when I received my results slip. It was the greatest blessing, almost surreal. Even my dad didn't believe me when I told him.
A Level results were a ticket to many opportunities, but yet, they didn't open the doors that I wanted open. Competing with the RJ and HC students is no joke. There was a period of time when I felt so inadequate and lacking because of all the university and scholarship rejections. It struck me hard to know that actually, I wasn't good enough. And I worried daily over what I was going to do with my life. The feeling of being shrouded in uncertainty is so awful; not knowing what's ahead nor how to make plans for what's ahead.
I was so thankful to receive an offer from Med, it's something that I still don't know if I deserve, especially with how I'm struggling to keep up now. Ms Oon once told me, things happen for a reason. I'm still slowly trying to figure out what that reason is, but I will eventually I hope.
Adjusting to university life wasn't smooth sailing. I started to miss home within a month of moving into hall, even though I must say it was a good experience living independently. There's more freedom and many good friendships to forge, but somehow it's more comforting to be at home. University life also didn't turn out like what I envisioned university life to be. I thought I would be involved in alot of fun stuff,but I'm not as brilliant as everyone else and don't have the liberty nor willingness to commit to other things when I can't even keep up with lectures everyday. Med school's definitely busy and tiring though. It's so exhausting that some days I've to read through my personal statement a few times to remind myself why I'm here. I found out that I'm not the only one who does it, it makes me feel better knowing there's good company to go through all this with (: I need better time and priority management, and more perseverance.
yup, that pretty much sums up 2009. I thank God for all those around me who mean alot in one way or another. Even though we meet up less due to busy schedules, I treasure these friendships very dearly <3
It's a very long road ahead, and I can only imagine how tough it's going to get as we enter adulthood (20 sounds so impossibly old). I hope that in this new year, I will begin to build a stronger relationship with God and learn to rely on Him even more. I hope to continue building on friendships old and new. And lastly, I hope to make full use of the opportunities presented to me; to live, laugh and learn (:
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I count my blessings for all of you, everyday ♥
